Always
by Beautiful Vixen
Summary: Could you do it? Could you walk away from the other half of your soul even if you thought it was the right thing to do? My version of what happens at the end of Season Three of Buffy. After the kill the mayor and Angel moves to Los Angeles.


_I don't own the characters. They belong to the talented Mr. Joss Whedon. I just wanted to give my version of what I think happens or should have happened. There is a direct quote from the television series made by Xander in the story and I hold no claim to it. No copyright is intended._

**_Always_**

I look around taking the scene in, trying to wrap my mind around it. The high school in ruins, _"Well, isn't that every high school students dream?"_ I think to myself in a bit of dry humor, I watch paramedics taking away the injured.

We did it.

We had won.

Against all the odds we had taken down the Mayor. We had saved the world...or at least our little corner of the world again. My eyes scan over the wreckage searching out my friends, Giles with Wesley who was whining about how much pain he's in "Suck it up and be a man Wes, geez" I mutter to myself before my eyes find Willow and Oz standing together, then finding Xander and Cordelia. I let out a sigh of relief as I realize those I cared about are safe.

Angel

I hadn't found Angel yet, I needed to find him. My heart starts to sink as I think of him. He's leaving me now, moving to L.A. Part of me understands why, knows that no matter how much we love each other he's right. How could this work, maybe a part of me had always known.

I shake my head a little clearing it, "There will be time for these thoughts later" I say to myself. For now I just need to find him, make sure he's okay and then I can begin to figure out how the hell I'm going to say goodbye to him.

My eyes scan the crowd again through the smoky air searching for him as I make my way over to my friends. I reach them and Xander seems to read my mind as he says quietly.

"He made it through the fight, I guess maybe...he took off after"

I feel the first piece of my heart shatter as I process these words and I hear Giles call my name. I take a deep breath pulling myself together as I go talk to him. I feel so exhausted, I just want to go home, crawl into my bed, curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep.

Suddenly, I feel it.

The electric current that runs through my body only when he's near me, the feeling that my heart is complete and I turn around and see him through the smoke of the rubble. He's looking at me and I can't move. I want to run to him, to throw my arms around him, to beg him not to leave me ….but... I... can't …...move.

Our eyes meet and I see my pain reflected there in his and we just stare at each other a moment before he turns and bows his head walking away. Suddenly, I can't feel anything. Numbness seeps through me down to my bones.

I make my way back to my friends and say the words I'm supposed to, going through the motions of what's expected of me but I don't know what I'm saying or what I'm doing. I only hope I sound normal and alright. When Willow asks if I'm okay I look my best friend in the eye and lie. She accepts my words. I say my goodbye's, pleading exhaustion and they all seem to understand so thankfully so I turn and make my way home.

The house is silent as I enter it. Mom thankfully finally did as I asked and left town so I could know she was safe even as I fought for my life and those of my friends. I make my way upstairs to the bathroom moving mechanically. Stripping off my clothes, turning on the hot water in the shower and stepping under it. Washing the dirt and blood from my hair and body, my mind blank, I step from the shower turning off the water and after drying off I pull a tank top over my head and then pull on some panties and pajama bottoms before walking to my room pulling back my covers and crawling into my bed.

I curl myself up into a tight ball and I want to cry but I can't. I feel nothing. Under the surface of that numbness I feel it, the pain that is to come and I don't know how I'm going to handle it, I can fight demons, kill vampires and anything else that comes my way, but how do I let go of the other half of my soul? I welcome this nothing feeling for now, hugging Mr. Gordo to me as I close my eyes and pray for sleep to come.

I wake up feeling disoriented. sitting up blinking and suddenly my eyes zero in on him sitting on the side of my bed.

"Angel?" I whisper in disbelief.

"I couldn't...I tried..."He trails off as his voice breaks and I move forward automatically wrapping my arms around him and I feel his wrap around my small frame holding me close to him as he buries his face against my neck, my fingers running into his hair holding his head to me. "I love you so much Buffy"

I feel his lips against my neck in soft kisses "How can I leave you? I didn't even make it out-of-town before I had to turn back. I need you, God help me, I need you." His kisses move up my neck to just under my ear and I shiver as I feel warmth flood through me at his words. He loves me. He needs me.

As his kisses move over my cheek I turn my head catching his lips with mine and I feel the spark between us The passion, the love, the need, the want and desire and as his tongue slips into my mouth wrapping around mine I let out a soft moan and my finger tighten in his hair. His hands move to my back pressing my body against his.

Even when we need breath, his lips never completely leave mine only pulling back and resting against them, catching our breaths before they press against mine again hard and demanding. The blood starts pumping hard through my veins as I feel my desire rise, my heart starting to pound as my fingers move down his neck and run across his shoulder blades through his shirt.

Angel shifts and suddenly he's laying me down in the bed, his body hovering above me as the kisses start to make my head spin a little. I arch up underneath him with a moan and the only thought in my mind is how I need to feel him.

_Isn't there a reason we aren't supposed to do this? _The thought is in my mind and gone just as quickly as I feel his fingertips move softly along my collarbone and then run back and forth along the neckline of my tank top. His finger barely grazing against the skin before his hands move sliding down my side and grasp the hem of my top slowly pulling the fabric up.

I have to pull away for breath again and I watch his face, feeling shyness as he pulls my top up and I sit up a little so he can pull it over my head tossing it on the floor. His eyes stay on mine as his fingers move down my neck and over my collarbone again. He moves them down over the swells of my breasts tracing lightly over them, down the sides, the crease under them. As if he is memorizing me with his touch. I let out a little sound and arch up silently asking for more. He smiles as he brings his hand up and with his finger barely touches me again, circling around my nipple causing it to tighten and harden, then his fingers move over to repeat this action with my other breast causing another moan to escape me.

His head dips down, he lowers his lips to my breasts but his eyes look up at me. His tongue peeks out of his mouth and he flicks it against my hard bud before sucking it into his mouth. My head falls back against the pillow and my eyes close in pleasure. He moves his head over to take the other nipple into his mouth and I cry out for him softly again.

Suddenly, I feel a rush of heat through my body, my desire spiking even further. I don't just want him, I need him so badly it hurts. I put my hands against his chest and push back getting him to sit up. I move to sit on my knees beside him as he does.

I kiss him fiercely and this time he is the one moaning into my mouth as my finger move to the front of his shirt. I manage to undo the first two buttons before just grasping the material in my hands and pulling roughly, buttons flying all over my room but I could care less. I push his shirt off and I kiss him again hard as I straddle his lap and run my nails down his chest.

I can feel him harden through the fabric separating us and I circle my hips grinding down on him causing the most delicious groan to fall from his lips.

"Buffy" my name comes from him dripping in love, need and lust and it about drives me out of my mind as I continue to rub against him. I can feel the material between my legs becoming wet from my desire and I whimper.

Angel quickly stands up and me with him. He leans down, his lips brutal against mine and mine against his as he pushed my p.j. pants and panties off my hips so they fall to the ground leaving me nude in front of him. His eyes feel like fire against my skin.

My hands move to undo his belt and then to the button and zipper of his pants undoing them quickly and pushing them off of him along with his boxer briefs as our lips meet repeatedly in flurry of kisses and pants. He pulls my body to his again and I feel his hard length against my stomach causing me to moan and tremble. I push him back to sit on the bed as I stand in front of him.

He runs his hands over my thighs and then brings his one hand to run through my wet folds. He teases me, just barely sliding through the wet skin causing me to shiver in delight even as I start to throb with more need.

"Angel...please" I beg him and he looks up at me with a wicked smile before slipping two fingers inside of me, his other hand moving to my lower back to support me as he slowly pumps his fingers in and out of my wetness, twisting his fingers and then curling them up to find that certain spot. My body starts to shake.

My reach down and wrap my fingers around his hard and slightly twitching length "I need you inside of me, to feel you moving in me. I need to feel you love me" I say softly as I start to stroke my hand over him causing him to inhale sharply as his head falls back a little.

"Yes" he answers me in a low voice pulling his fingers from me and grasping my hips pulling me to him again. He moves back a little on the bed, laying back with his head and shoulder angled up to watch me, his eyes constantly darting to mine.

I move up placing my knees on either side of his body holding myself above him and I bring his tip to my entrance. My eyes lock on his and I sink down taking him into me. It's the most delicious feeling, the stretching of me to accommodate him and once he's fully sheathed I stop for a second and rotate my hips feeling him against my walls and a rush of lust runs down my spine and it's like I'm possessed.

Our rhythm starts slow. Moan and soft pants falling from both of our lips. But as the need builds we quickly start to move hard and fast. Somewhere in my mind I feel the desperation in our act of love. His hands grip my waist tightly bringing me down harder and the only sounds in the room are the sounds of our bodies coming together, my cries of pleasure and his groans and quiet grunts as he pushes up hard beneath me, filling me over and over.

I feel my stomach muscles tightening and our breathing becomes more ragged pants as we both build quickly having denied our bodies this for so long. The desperation from earlier tonight, his almost leaving only driving us further as we move hard against each other and somewhere in the back of my mind I think "I'm going to have bruises from how hard he's holding me, I'm going to be sore" and I relish these thoughts. I want the marks on my skin from my lover's hands, showing just how great his need for me is. I want the soreness to remind me of this incredible night where I almost died and then died again saying goodbye to the love of my life.

He moves one of his hands around and starts to rub fast firm circles on my clit and I can't handle anymore. My head falls back and I scream out his name as my body shakes hard with my release. He pulls me down to him once more as he thrusts up and I feel him twitch and as he moans out my name in response.

Slowly, my mind starts to clear and come back to itself and Angel's wrapping his arms around me and holding me close again his hands stroke along my back and he's kissing my lips softly

"I love you, I will always love you Buffy. You will always be my great and only love" his voice breaks again and he buries his face against my breasts as if it's all too much for him. I hold him close, still feeling him inside of me and I rest my head atop of his.

"I will always be yours Angel. My heart will always have your name written on it. There is no one else who can hold it". I answer him back. He takes a breath and leans up to kiss me again before laying us down and pulling me into his side.

"You need to sleep" his fingers stroke along my cheek gently and I nod in agreement even as my eyes start to close and I feel myself fall into a deep sleep.

I awake and I can tell it's just before sunrise, the world still dark though not for very long. I'm alone in bed and I'm dressed. I feel the tears come to my eyes when I realize it was a dream. He didn't come back for me and I let out a sob pulling my pillow to me burying my face against it. I hear a small noise. My eyes fly open to look at my open window just in time to see a bit of black leather...the end of a long black leather duster slipping out and I go silent, my tears momentarily stopped with my shock and in the air I hear one word whispered.

**"Always"**

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Okay, before I start getting the questions of "What about him losing his soul?" I have thought this out. He knows he has to leave her. Throughout it all he knows he still has to leave. He just couldn't leave her like that, just walking away into the darkness. He wanted one last memory to hold onto during the times he needs her so much it hurts and he feels torn apart being so far away from her. But with the knowledge that he still has to leave I don't believe he would achieve that "perfect happiness" so therefore he doesn't lose his soul.**_

_**Let me know your thoughts by clicking that little review button? Pretty Please?**_


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